Meet 18 y/o Meltz Celestin, or should I say “CIA Agent Kevin Zeleslin”? Either way that’s his mug shot below….
Apparently young Meltz had a mental meltdown last Sunday (May 24th, 2015) when he called 911, identifying himself as CIA Agent Kevin Zeleslin and asking the Lee County, Florida Sheriff’s Department for help with a drug bust that was about to go down in Leigh Acres.
The problem? Weeeeeelllllllllllll….. For starters there is no CIA Agent Kevin Zeleslin, there is only Meltz Celestin, and, Meltz is no more a CIA Agent than are either Claire Danes (who plays Carrie Mathison) or Mandy Patinkin (who plays Saul Berenson) on Hollywood’s own “Homeland“.
Although Meltz may very well just be as bat sh*t crazy as Claire (who suffers from bi-polar disorder in the show), based upon his actions on Sunday he’s no where near as effective a CIA Agent as is Carrie….
So, for reasons unknown, Meltz (per the cops) “randomly” shows up at a Leigh Acres area home where he encounters a family of five (5), ranging from 18 – 41 years old and including a pregnant woman, who had been packing up their car for a trip to the “Sun Splash Family Waterpark” in Cape Coral, Florida when Meltz drove into their driveway in a green Toyota.
Per the family reports, Meltz exited his vehicle, identified himself as a CIA Agent, pulled a gun, pointed it at the family of five (5), threatened to shoot and “ordered” them to their knees. The family complied as they feared for their lives. Per the cops, who arrived on scene intending to assist the CIA to effectuate a drug bust, they first observed Meltz standing in the driveway by his car. He did not have a firearm in his hand but they did find a loaded 9mm in his right jacket pocket, they also found eight (8) grams of marijuana in his car and they did NOT find any CIA credentials. Accordingly, Meltz was arrested on five (5) counts (one (1) for each family member) of aggravated assault with a firearm, carrying a concealed firearm, possession of marijuana, trespass, battery and a probation violation (the violation was from a prior trespass and battery case) and is being held on $531,500.00 bond. Memo to Meltz Celestin: A) CIA Agents do not make drug busts and B) the CIA does not “operate” on U.S. soil (which begs the question… Wtf was the Lee County Sheriff thinking?). You probably meant DEA (not CIA), which would have made more sense. On the other hand, the fact that you did what you did (bizarre-o) and apparently have little understanding of crime, crime fighting or reality for that matter, suggests that you might well have a viable insanity defense. On the other hand, my guess is that the marijuana that you thought that you had was not marijuana and was something more nefarious, like perhaps synthetic marijuana, maybe even “Crazy Monkey” (which you can read about here). The police crime lab report will tell us for sure in this case and although it’s clearly not in YOUR interests for the pot to be fake and not genuine, personally I hope that it proves to be synthetic because actions such as yours set the marijuana legalization movement back many steps. Pot smokers do not do sh*t like this. The only thing in danger from a pot smoker is a bag of Doritos. While your having (and using) synthetic marijuana would explain your psychotic behavior it would also cripple your defense (as in Florida being under the influence of intoxicants is NOT a defense to criminality). Memo to the Folks: Synthetic marijuana (“Spice”, “Crazy Monkey”… whatever you call it) some seriously dangerous stuff which makes people do some cra cra things.
For more than 23 years Michael A. Haber, P.A. has been providing creative, effective and zealous advocacy and counsel in cases ranging from DUI to drug trafficking and from misdemeanors to first degree murder.
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THIS BLOG POST (AS ARE ALL OF HABERPA BLOG POSTS) IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT WHICH IS PRIMARILY DESIGNED, BY WAY OF REAL WORLD EXAMPLE, TO ASSIST THE GENERAL PUBLIC IN AVOIDING CONDUCT WHICH COULD FORESEEABLY RESULT IN ARREST AND PROSECUTION!
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Top notch, very skilled, and highly attentive. Mr. Haber is a fantastic criminal defense attorney. 
- Thanks again. You are second to none when it comes to defending your clients. For that, I thank you
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