Meet 18 y/o Zachary Torrence, a/k/a “the Subway Robber” of Fairfield, AL. Yes, that’s him below:
Zachary earned his nickname after allegedly robbing – make that armed (with a gun) robbing – several (four -4 – to be exact) local ‘Bama Subway “restaurants”.
Hueytown, AL PD officers arrested Zachary on Thursday, October 30th, 2014 after receiving a crime-stoppers / citizen tip that Zack had committed the robberies.
The tip came in the day after a Hueytown Subway had been robbed, and was precipitated by a citizen, who did know Zachary but who identified him while the two happened to be shopping at the same time in a Walmart, and based solely upon having seen robbery footage from the Subway’s surveillance system (the video footage of the Hueytown robbery can be seen at the following link:
– http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/31/zachary-torrance_n_6084586.html?utm_hp_ref=dumb-criminals ).
According to the cops, at the time of his arrest Zachary, genius that he is, was wearing the very same clothing that he had worn in the previous day’s robbery. (As an aside, if it weren’t for dumb criminals – like Zachary – then I would not have a job, but I digress…).
As further evidence of his mental prowess, instead of invoking his rights, shutting up and letting his friendly neighborhood criminal defense lawyer do the talking for him, Zachary provided his motive… are you ready for it? Zachary robbed Subways to get his money back. Yes. His money. He wanted it back. Why? Zachary was a disgruntled patron, noting that “the Jared Diet” (of eating only Subway Turkey sandwiches to lose weight) did not work for him.
Yes, you read that correctly. Blame it on Jared. Or the Bossa Nova. Or global warming. Or…. STFU moron. (Again, thank ________ for dumb criminals.)
Memo to Zachary: If you cannot control your tongue then next time I suggest that you offer up the “Chewbacca Defense (a link to define the “Chewbacca Defense” is below). Believe tit or not that would actually make more sense than your idiotic explanation.
Memo to Zachary’s lawyer: May I respectfully suggest a medical defense? I’m thinking “Zachary Syndrome”:
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Top notch, very skilled, and highly attentive. Mr. Haber is a fantastic criminal defense attorney. 
- Thanks again. You are second to none when it comes to defending your clients. For that, I thank you
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