Strip Club FAIL!  Customer (who self-reports being an “11” on a “Drunk Scale of 1 – 10”) is allegedly Punched in the Face 4 times by a Stripper after telling her that she needs to… Scroll down to read more!

Meet 23 y/o Kyle Yeomans of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  That’s him below…

This guy must be desperate for his 15 minutes of fame because he called the cops to report being battered by a stripper whom, due to his level of intoxication, he cannot even identify, and when the cops took his report he indicated that “he did not wish to pursue charges, stating that he wanted nothing done other than a report” (which you can see / print below or which you can link to by clicking here…).

Per Kyle he was physically bounced out of Derriere’s Gentlemen’s Club early Sunday, November 22nd, 2015 morning following an altercation with a dancer who allegedly reached off the stage and hit him four times in the face.

Kyle called the cops from his home at approximately 7:30 pm, the incident having occurred at approximately 1:45 am that same day.  Per Kyle the dancer in question was annoying him.  He said that he repeatedly asked her to leave him alone and after a while, in apparent desperation for solitude, he told her that “she should go to the gym and lose weight” (note that the only description of his attacker that Kyle was able to provide to the police was that she was “a white female, approximately 115-120 lbs, with long black hair and a muffin top”).

Kyle said that in direct response to his comment the dancer “reached off the stage and struck him 4 times in the face.”  He further claimed that bouncers used excessive force in removing him from the premises.  Still, some 17 hours after the fact Kyle maintained that “he did not wish to pursue charges, stating that he wanted nothing done other than a report”, and in so doing he admitted to officers that at the time of his alleged victimization “he would rate his own level of intoxication an 11 out of 10”, and for this I am formally calling Kyle out as the unequivocal douche bag of the week.

Apart from the fact that club representatives tell a different story (i.e. David Birch, the owner of the club for the last 15 years stated that Kyle – whom he referred to as a “moron” – was very drunk, had been at the club for more than three (3) hours at the time of the incident, had grabbed the nude woman in the crotch, was hit in response to groping the dancer, did not let go while he was being hit, was properly removed by bouncers and that, especially given the circumstances, they were anything but rough with him) here are my problems with Kyle’s tale of woe:  1)  By his own admission Kyle was sh*t-faced and drunk people a) are not good historians, b) do not exercise good judgment and c) tend to blame everyone but themselves for the situations that unfold during their period of intoxication; 2) By his own description the dancer weighed in at 115-120, so unless she was an Oompa-Loompa how badly did she need to lose weight and hit the gym; 3) Why did Kyle wait 17 hours to call the cops; 4) Why, after calling the cops and making his report, did Kyle not follow-through; and 5) I was not there and have no reason to believe one side versus the other but, at  the risk of judging a book by it’s cover, I just don’t find this guy’s story credible…

Memo to Kyle:  1) Lay off the booze and 2) if you go to a strip club and are being pestered by an unattractive dancer then simply point out another dancer and ask the one who is speaking to you to introduce her colleague to you as a) doing so is less insulting than making negative comments about her body and b) this will work every time.   After all, #StrippersHaveFeelingsToo (oftentimes they are buried deep but, still…).  

At Michael A. Haber, P.A. the goals in representing folks are A) to be honest and realistic about litigation objectives; B) to be fair in regard to fees; C) to be consistently available and responsive to the client (in person, by phone call, text, email, Facebook. Twitter and otherwise); D) to keep the client informed; and E) to secure your positive feedback / client review at the conclusion of each case.

At Michael A. Haber, P.A. “Its all about reasonable doubt”!

Michael A. Haber, Esq. is prepared to speak with you about your case!

Cell: 305-798-2220; Office: 305-381-8686; Toll Free: 1-888-SHARK-8-1


#Webisode #YouTube #VideoFAQ #AVVO #HaberPA #Arrest #Arrested #CriminalLawyer #CriminalLaw #CriminalDefense #CriminalDefenseLawyer #MiamiCriminalDefenseLawyer #CriminalDefenseAttorney #MiamiCriminalDefenseAttorney #CriminalAttorney #DUI #DWI #DrivingUnderTheInfluence #BUI #BoatingUnderTheInfluence #DomesticViolence #DV #DVRO #DomesticViolenceRestrainingOrder #Seal #Expunge #Sealing #Expungement #CriminalRecord #CriminalHistory #PSA #PublicServiceAnnouncement #StripClub #Assault #Battery #Stripper #Punch #PunchInTheFace #MuffinTop #Bouncer #Bounced #ThingsNotToSayToAStripper #FAIL! #StripClubFAIL #Douche #DoucheBag #DoucheBaggerous #DouceBagOfTheWeek
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Posted in

Michael A. Haber

At Michael A. Haber, P.A. "it's all about reasonable doubt"! Whether in State or Federal Courts, Michael A. Haber, P.A. strives to ensure that his client's rights are respected and that his clients receive top-tier legal representation and counsel. For more than a quarter of a century I have striven to make Michael A. Haber, P.A. a business that custom tailors its services to meet the needs of the client. This incorporates such things as (but is not limited to) doing my best to meet clients at their convenience (as opposed to mine), in locations and at times which are mutually convenient (sometimes at their homes, places of business, independent ground - having free wifi and excellent coffee any Dunkin Donuts always works for me - and occasionally even at odd hours), structuring fees to reasonably accommodate the parties, making myself personally available to the client as close to 24/7 as is possible and, perhaps most importantly, giving careful and comprehensive consideration to both micro and macro issues in a given case so as to be able to agree upon and effort toward a viable litigation objective. This is why I refer to Michael A. Haber, P.A. proudly providing "boutique criminal defense litigation" (being "a small company that offers highly specialized services"), and this is a large part of Michael A. Haber, P.A.'s mission statement Accordingly, Michael A. Haber, P.A. has provided personalized and boutique legal services to both individuals and entities, primarily in the South Florida area, since 1991. With no history of professional discipline whatsoever, Michael A. Haber, Esq. zealously advocates his client's interests and custom tailors his services to meet each client's particular situation, needs and desires. Toward that end Michael A. Haber, Esq. makes himself directly available to his clients whether in person, over the phone (305-381-8686 or Toll Free 1-888-SHARK-8-1), by cell, verbally or text (305-798-2220), by e-mail ([email protected]) on Facebook ( ), on Twittter, (@Sharkjy910) on AOL/IM (Sharky910), and also why I consistently add information to the public on both the Michael A. Haber, P.A. Criminal Michael A Haber PA Criminal DUI Defense Litigation Miami Blog ( and with my "Webisode" series on YouTube (, whcih currently features 222 briegf VideoFAQ's on a variety of Criminal Defense, DUI and BUI related topics. When you hire Michael A. Haber, P.A. you get Michael A. Haber, Esq.! And remember, at HaberPA, it's all about reasonable doubt!
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
12555 Biscayne Boulevard, # 893
North Miami, Florida 33181
Phone: 1-888-742-7581|
Secondary phone: 305-381-8686

Monday9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Tuesday9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Wednesday9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Thursday9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Friday9:00 AM - 5:00 PM

  • positive review  Top notch, very skilled, and highly attentive. Mr. Haber is a fantastic criminal defense attorney.

    DrNetta Shaked Avatar DrNetta Shaked
    July 26, 2017
  • positive review  Thanks again. You are second to none when it comes to defending your clients. For that, I thank you

    Leo Gonzalez Avatar Leo Gonzalez
    April 10, 2017
  • Excellence in criminal defense. Very informative And upfront of wiyh your crimanal defense

    Chiko Sarri Avatar Chiko Sarri
    April 11, 2016
  • positive review  Michael is the person to call when you need help or advice! He understands.

    Lloyd Goradesky Avatar Lloyd Goradesky
    January 11, 2014
  • positive review  Outstanding legal scholar!

    Aj Daoud Avatar Aj Daoud
    December 21, 2013
  • positive review  Michael has helped my family and I on a few occasions and the results were excellent, he represents his clients with the utmost respect and professionalism.

    David Schindler Avatar David Schindler
    August 12, 2013
  • positive review  ABSOLUTELY Michael. Your my second favorite Lawyer behind my cousins Law firm in Brooklyn. The Berkman Law Firm.

    Andrew Scott Wasserman Avatar Andrew Scott Wasserman
    August 11, 2013
  • positive review  Interesting and Informative

    Debbie Molinaro Avatar Debbie Molinaro
    July 20, 2013