I wish that I could show you a picture of Jessica Gomez of San Bernadino, California (I’d like to see her for myself and put a face to her name) but alas, nary one of the news stories that I read have a picture of her, there are simply too many people named “Jessica Gomez” in California to be certain and I don’t want to risk defaming someone for someone else’s incredible douche baggery… so let’s just use the image below instead, as it effectively captures Jessica Gomez’s essence – and / or that of her lawyers, who may well be responsible in this instance, in fact that’s entirely possible.
So what is Jessica’s incredible act of ultimate douche baggery? I’m glad that you asked. Jessica initiated a class action lawsuit (please see: U.S. District Court for the Central District of CA case number 5:17-cv-00575-CAS-FFM) against the Jelly Bean Candy Company for, hang on, wait for it, here it comes…
Jessica’s lawsuit claims that the Jelly Bean Candy Company (read those words again…. “Jelly – Bean – Candy – Company”) used false and deceptive advertising in regard to it’s “Jelly Belly Sport’s Beans” when it advertised the product toward athletes, stating that they are “an exercise supplement containing carbohydrates, electrolytes and vitamins”.
Jessica claims that she (and others) was (were) misled into buying Jelly Belly’s “exercise beans” – which are alleged to be an energy product for athletes – because the ingredients list uses the words “evaporated cane juice” instead of “sugar”, and thus Jessica did not realize that the jelly beans were packed with sugar.
While she was busy nit-picking the list of ingredients apparently Jessica missed the clearly marked nutrition facts statement on the back of the package that discloses 17 grams of “Sugars”…
I wholeheartedly agree with the Jelly Bean Candy Company’s retort denouncing the entire suit as being “nonsense” (in it’s Motion to Dismiss the Company reportedly stated that “This is nonsense”, because it is nonsense. Jessica’s claim that the Jelly Bean Candy Company had strategically used the words “evaporated cane juice” instead of the “sugar” in the ingredients list to make their “Sport Beans” more attractive to athletes is probably accurate, but it fails to acknowledge either A) that the “Sugars” content is very clearly identified on the rear label – directly next to the ingredients, B) that “evaporated cane juice” is (and is a synonym for) sugar, C) that the front of the package says that they are “Energizing Jelly Beans” (as are all jelly beans, which any parent will tell you they won’t let their children eat before bed because of the SUGAR RUSH) and D) that no matter how you look at them, not matter what anyone says or prints or wishes for, they are and they always will be freaking JELLY BEANS… and jelly beans are made of pure freaking sugar. There is no such thing as a “healthy jelly bean”.
If you want a healthy bean then go Pinto, Navy, Black, Great Northern, Kidney, Lima, Garbanzo… anything but jelly.
Per the Jelly Bean Candy Company: “No reasonable consumer could have been deceived by Sport Beans’ labeling – Gomez could not have seen “evaporated cane juice” without also seeing the product’s sugar content on its Nutrition Facts panel. And she has plead no facts to suggest that athletes, who consume this product to sustain intense exercise, would want to avoid sugar rather than affirmatively seek it.”…
This is as frivolous a lawsuit as I can imagine and, like I said right up front, it may well be the fruit of some assclown Plaintiff’s lawyer and not Jessica, but she signed her name to it and so she’s getting the heat from me (and from Gunny Sergeant Hartman).
Memo to Jessica Gomez: Your lawsuit is BS, you are a moron and I hope that the Jelly Bean Candy Company counter-sues your ass. Now take your frivolous lawsuit, hit the treadmill and stop eating jelly beans as a health supplement.
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